


Rearview

by AudrerAndJuck



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Audrer told me to write, Idk if it's technically suicide, Implied Car Crash, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Sadnap - Freeform, Songfic, Unrequited Love, kind of???, so you get a songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:53:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27378265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AudrerAndJuck/pseuds/AudrerAndJuck
Summary: Sapnap realizes that maybe he hasn't moved on yet.(Songfic of Rearview by Beach Bunny)
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 161





	Rearview

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! It's Juck!! Audrer told me that I should write so I said "ok I'm gonna write angst hehe"
> 
> In case you didn't see the tag!! There is character death!!!!!!

The car door shuts with a slam as Sapnap climbs into the driver’s seat. It had been a long night, to say the least. He had driven down to Florida to meet Dream and George and he just needed to get out of the house for a little while. He had told his friends that he was just going to the store to grab some things and he would be back soon. As he backed out of the driveway, Sapnap turned on the radio. It was a song he didn’t recognize, but anything to drown out the sound of his thoughts.

_ With or within _

_ But not without _

Why had he even gone there? He had driven fourteen hours for what? To see his ex boyfriend and one of his best friends get married? No, not that. If he had known that was going to happen before this morning, he wouldn’t have come to Florida at all. He wasn’t sure if they had planned this the whole time he had been there, but when the two of them walked into the kitchen that morning, Sapnap already on the couch, they announced that they wanted to get married and they wanted to do it today. And who was Sapnap to tell them not to do it while he was there?

_ Baptized in sin _

_ And blessed with doubt _

_ Most nights I hardly know myself _

_ Sometimes I feel like someone else _

Did he know himself? Probably not, nobody knew him. Not really. He had been living a lie for three years.  _ “Are you sure you’re alright, Nick?”  _ Bad had asked him that night after Dream and George finally left the VC.  _ “I’m fine, Bad, it was months ago, he’s allowed to date other people.”  _ Bad hadn’t seemed particularly convinced, but luckily he decided not to push it. 

_ Was I ever good enough for you _

_ There's always someone _

_ I'm tryna live up to _

_ I can never get to you _

_ You always seem closer in the rearview _

_ It was hot in Florida, and so much more humid than it was in Texas. That was the first thing Sapnap had noticed when left the airport, his much taller boyfriend by his side. They had been dating for about six months at that point, and they had already fallen into an easy rhythm with each other, despite it being the first time they had ever met in person. They drove back to Dream’s house in a comfortable silence, just happy to be in each other’s presence. They got inside, and Sapnap felt at home already. He set his bag in Dream’s room and they went to sit on the couch together. They cuddled on that couch for hours, kissing and whispering sweet nothings to each other until they eventually fell asleep. He had many fond memories with the man he loved on that couch. All of them had turned sour with the image of that man and his now husband cuddling on that same couch, paying Sapnap no mind as he told the newlyweds he would be heading to the store. _

_ Underneath all apathy _

_ You're woven into my tapestry _

He didn’t care. That’s what Sapnap had been telling himself about everything that had happened since they broke up. It didn’t bother him, because he had moved on. He didn’t love Dream anymore. Right? That’s what Sapnap had thought for a while now, that he had moved on. But how could he have, really? All he did was talk to Dream. You can’t just stop loving someone when you can’t shake the hope that one day, they might love you again.

_ Did you ever love me at all? _

_ Sometimes I start to lose control _

He still loved Dream. Sapnap knew that now, and he knew it for certain. He also knew for sure that Dream did not love him back, the man was married, for Christ’s sake. Taking a turn onto some random backroad, he began to wonder if Dream had really loved him in the first place. Sure, he had said it, plenty of times, but had he meant it? Dream didn’t act the same around George as he did around Sapnap when they were together. Dream had always acted differently towards George, even when he and Sapnap were still dating. Maybe Sapnap should’ve seen it coming.

_ Was I ever good enough for you _

_ There's always someone _

_ I'm tryna live up to _

_ I can never get to you _

_ You always seem closer in the rearview _

Dream had broken up with him two months after they met in person for the first time. “I just can’t handle long distance anymore. I’m so sorry, I just can’t. I still love you, Nick, this just isn’t working for me. I hope we can stay friends.” Sapnap was bewildered. He thought everything was just fine the day before. Hell, he thought everything was fine when they had called that same morning. He should’ve known something more was going on then, but he genuinely believed Dream when he gave him his reason. The dots that Sapnap had failed to connect were that Dream had introduced him to his “new friend”, George, about two weeks prior. He had failed to connect those dots then, and of course he was just doing it now, in a car, in the middle of the night, on some unfamiliar Floridian street while trying to hide from the people he had made this realization about. 

He made another turn, getting himself even more lost as he turned down various residential streets, just to give himself an excuse not to go back to that house, and his godforsaken ex-boyfriend and his _husband_. His husband. 

_ You love me _

_ I love you _

_ You don’t love me anymore _

_ I still do _

And that’s the shitty part, isn’t it? Even after all of that, after Dream probably  _ cheated  _ on him, and moved on with his life as if he hadn’t just broken his once lover. Sapnap still loved him.

_ I’m sorry _

_ I’m trying _

_ I hate it when you catch me crying _

Ah yes, the crying. Sapnap had cried a lot of tears after Dream broke up with him. They were mostly private tears, ones that he made sure that no one heard but there was one night he let his guard down. He doesn’t quite remember what happened, but he was on a call with Bad and the tears just started flowing.

_It was about two months after Dream told Bad and Sapnap that him and George were dating. Bad and Sapnap were on a call, playing some bedwars when, for some reason, Sapnap just started sobbing. All of a sudden, they both left the game and ended up with a sobbing Sapnap and Bad just trying to figure out what was happening. Sapnap never really said anything, but Bad could infer based on the heavily forced happiness that Sapnap displayed whenever Dream or George was around that it had something to do with that._

_Bad hadn’t pried, though, and decided that it would be better for Sapnap if he just listened. So he did._

_About twenty minutes after Sapnap had started crying, they both heard a ding signifying that someone had joined the discord call. “Leave the call, Dream,” Bad had said. “Hey guys- what? Why?” “Just do it.” Dream left the call quickly after that, deciding that whatever was going on there wasn’t really his business. Bad quickly started apologizing and saying that Dream didn’t mean any harm and that he didn’t know and- “I know, Bad,” Sapnap had said, “it’s just-” he took a deep breath to prevent himself from bursting into tears again- “I still love him, Bad. Like so fucking much.”_

_ You love me _

_ I love you  _

_ You don’t love me anymore _

_ I still do _

That was two years ago, and Sapnap hadn’t cried in front of someone like that since. It wasn’t until about three months after that that Sapnap thought he moved on. He  _ thought _ he moved on. Yet, here he was. He was in the driver’s seat of his shitty car on some shitty unfamiliar road in Florida.

And he was still in love with Dream.

_ I’m sorry _

_ I’m trying _

_ I hate it when you catch me crying _

He was crying now, he noticed. His tears blurred the dark road and the streetlights ahead of him, making it much harder to see, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. The song ended abruptly, and the radio cut out. The car was now filled with the sounds of radio static and crying and  _ pain.  _

The pain was so loud that Sapnap didn’t hear the horn, or see the headlights until it was too late. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'd say I'm sorry for all the angst but I am not. Audrer is working on a Karlnap fic that is much fluffier (also better) to make up for it. 
> 
> I asked Audrer what to put from them and they said they were mad at me for killing Sapnap. Because they are. How dare I. They also say to watch SAD-ist's newest animatic, which I agree with.
> 
> Thanks for reading!! If you want maybe leave kudos? Or comment feedback? It would mean a lot and president president


End file.
